Ah, I’ve been remiss in updating my blog, which in the blogosphere, is bad, bad form. So here I am, entering my second week of this new chapter and I’m finally sitting still long enough to download.

These days, in between job hunting and play time and dog sitting my ex-boyfriend’s 180-pound dog, I find myself chatting with the universe quite a bit. Mind you these conversations don’t happen aloud – that would just be crazy. But they do happen. And okay, sometimes they happen aloud – on my end anyway. Sometimes my questions are vague – like: Okay, show me what’s up. Or, Okay, please guide me to where I need to be so I can serve the planet and pay my rent. I ask these types of questions before I go to sleep and hope that I’ll get some clarity when I’m dreaming. Sometimes it comes when I’m dreaming and sometimes it comes when I’m walking down the street a few days later. You never know.

It’s important to note that as flakey as this all sounds, this type of inner dialogue has always served me well. And it’s true, I’ve been having these conversations long before this new chapter began.  It seems every time I’m in transition and things seem completely out of control, which you know, is pretty regularly, I call for backup and guidance.

This time last year, for example, I was in the midst of a pretty serious healing cycle. I was knee deep in therapy, sorting out things I should have dealt with years ago. The pain, honestly, was almost too much to take at times. One night I was lying in bed and I clearly remember asking: WTF? Wasn’t therapy supposed to help, not hurt? That night I dreamed that I had open wounds on my arms – they looked like sores with teeth (I know, imagine how I felt). Instead of being afraid of them and panicking, I took a closer look, and when I did, when I pressed my face right up to them, I saw that I could see inside myself – literally. Those wounds were an entry way to knowing myself from the inside out.

And this insight, led to other insights and so on.

So, these days, I’m not quite at the point where I’m asking: WTF? But I am asking, respectfully, what’s next for me? I am doing everything I can to set things straight in the material world, lay the foundation and infrastructure of what I’d like my adult life to look like. I am also networking, keeping myself “out there”, and have my eyes wide open, scanning for opportunity …  but I am also not above asking for help.

Last night I was snuggled up in a rather uncomfortable sofa bed, thinking a little too much about all of this, and finally when my brain exhausted my spirit, I gave in and  mumbled something like: Ok, I trust the universe, let it go.

Shortly thereafter as I was drifting off to sleep, and was in that in between space – the one that’s warm and glowey and the color of twilight – the universe said back to me (not aloud, mind you): That’s cool, but trust yourself.

You probably think I’m kidding, but I’m not.